By Clyde Lewis
April 17, 2003

I know that what I am about write will not be believed or will be placed in any historical record. It has been my experience that only the winners write history and I sit here and write my thoughts down before I decide to make a decision to accept thirty pieces of silver from the Romans.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the offer and I am beginning to have introspective thoughts about all of it. I really donít think that people in the future will understand the impact of me accepting the offer. I know that there will be many people who will interpret it as a sin or an act of evil, but will it truly be an evil act?

Forgive me if my mind wanders, you have caught me in the act of freethinking, something that as a Disciple of Christ is considered anathema. We all know that freethinkers, doubters, and traitors never get fair press. That is why I feel the need to set the record straight.

I know that you may read this and say to yourself that I am a liar and that I should not be trusted however you must understand that sometimes lies are told on behalf of an ideology in order to keep it alive.

Iíll bet that the betrayal that I am about to take part in will affect the followers of Christ for thousands of years. It may even strengthen their resolve. At least that is what Jesus himself told me.

He knew that a mission sealed with blood would strengthen the movement.

How could what I am about to do be considered as evil? How can it be a sin?

Can you even say that what our original Mother Eve and original father Adam did in the Garden of Eden was evil? Their actions allowed life to continue. They were told by God Almighty that they were going to die if they ate the forbidden fruit. Yet they listened to the serpent, took a chance and were punished by almighty God and lived long lives.

So the confusion for me is, who told the bigger lie?

What then is evil? What is sin?

If God almighty did not want Adam and Eve to eat the fruit he shouldnít have put it there in the garden in the first place. Who let the serpent in? If the glory of almighty God is knowledge then why would God tell them not to partake of the fruit from the tree of knowledge? Is evil just a harsh word for obstacle?

I have found it odd that many people do not look to the book of Job and realize that perhaps there are obstacles that are placed in strategic locations to build strength.

It is God almighty that has done this. Not a devil, nor an evil, but a practical joker who often throws the obstacle in front of you so that you learn humility and glorify his wisdom.

It is all for the benefit of change.

The truth is that Jesus hinted to me that he should die. He did it many times. The time I remember vividly was at the feast of the multitudes. It was planned long before he came to earth. It has already been written in the Old Testament that he is supposed to die. He and I both know that it is supposed to happen.

Canít you see how this has all been planned? Canít you see that I am helping Christ?

Betraying him will be the best thing for his ministry. Canít you see how something this theatrical will solidify the continuing archetypical fallen hero stories that have preceded his ministry?

I promise you that when I accept the silver from the Romans, Jesus wonít even flinch. You need to understand that Jesus is determined to be crucified. He will go willingly. He wonít back down. Even if the Jewish Elders gave him an opportunity to walk away from his fate, he wouldnít.

Such a martyr is my friend Jesus.

I know it wonít be popular to ask the question at this moment, but is a real man at his most courageous when he realizes that he sometimes has to surrender instead of fight?

Or is this cowardly?

Perhaps suicidal?

Would it be safe to say that the planned execution of my friend Jesus would be looked upon as a suicide?

He will go willingly. That is the plan. The plan is not to fight the authorities. The plan is not to walk off of the cross. The plan is for him to suffer bleed and die after I kiss him and then receive payment for my actions.

It is better to suffer and die than to give up your truth. That is what Jesus has told me. That is why at this moment I am a little frightened. I know what needs to be done. After I turn Jesus over to the authorities, I am going to follow my friend in death as well. I must also suffer and die in order to preserve the mystery. I must also do this to keep the secret of the plan that was devised in order to awaken us out of ignorance.

I just hope and pray someone reads my last words to you. Otherwise someone may come around and pervert the real purpose and true nature of the great plan.

Make no mistake, what we are about to do will bring about a new beginning, itís another opportunity to get it right, to forget the past way of life; to live more spiritually, more in harmony with each other.

I know that what I am about to do can be perceived as a betrayal, but it isnít.

It is a sacrifice.

I am one more cog in the masterís plan. I know that you will all hate me for what I am about to do, but take fresh courage in knowing that Jesus himself orchestrated this whole affair. He knows the desires of my heart.

Perhaps it is better for all men and women to understand that all things fall into place by some strange synchronicity. This may help you to understand why things like this happen.

Maybe it is best to go beyond the sadness and realize the great joy that many people will have after the event is carried out. Look in your heart; look in your soul for the deeper meaning in all this. Jesus told me that there will be a few people who will know his plan and there will be multitudes that will misunderstand and will try and blame others for his fate.

When I decide to betray my master let it be known that I did it because I loved him. I didnít do it for greed, or hate. I did it to bring to pass the change that he told us would happen if we followed him.

This is Christís decision. I as a servant of my master, intend to do whatever my master tells me. Even if he tells me that I will betray him. Think of the lessons you will learn from this moment. Calling me evil or a traitor taints the moment and the beauty of what is about to happen.

I willingly become the scapegoat. I will be the guilty one.

I will be a sinner. I will hang my friend Jesus on a cross and he will die for my sin.

I am Judas Iscariot.


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